CN Tower: me and my blackberry, sometimes mom and dad

It's almost year-end, which means a few things:

• a rush at work till Christmas (god forbid we hear the motion in 2012!!)


• the annual gift exchange among my former articling cohort (and I'm hosting this year, damn it.)


• fretting about the new year (e.g. what is my purpose? what is the meaning of life?)

Overall, things have been going very smoothly this year. It's fair to say that I've settled into my current life. But in the midst of the peacefulness part of me feels unsettled. That part of me wants to just move to Japan and start a new life (maybe go to art school). Sometimes I feel sorry for my partners having to deal with unstable associates like myself.

Associatehood is indeed blissful, much like childhood. As much as people complain about working too much, not getting enough chances to do various things, not knowing how to get clients, we generally can defer to our partners to feed us. Once you become a business owner (e.g. equity partner), the buck stops with you. Not only are you responsible for your own clients you now have to worry about raising your associates until they grow up.

Maybe the koolaid is kicking in - but I quite like where I am. I remember in law school having anxiety about private practice. Now I can't imagine being anywhere but in private practice. It's not all easy - but the pressure has pushed me to try harder to organize my life. While I can't say this for certain, public sector in my area of practice tends to be more suited for someone with a mature career under their belt - not necessarily for newcomer looking to be shown the ropes.

My human resources management theory - new workers are much like goldfish - they will grow until they reach the limit of the space you put them in. If you don't give them room to grow they won't.

My problem - if you can call it that - is that I may not be filling out the room I'm given. But I feel like I'm at the right place to grow to become something. (a really big fish...maybe a shark. at least a tuna)

This year-end I am going to thank my partners...by not whining so much. In this environment when many people are struggling to find a steady job, I am truly grateful that somehow I've ended up where I am.

Hopefully these won't be my famous last words.